Well, I've made it this far...
I have since I last wrote managed to learn to windsurf, broken a toe, ridden a vespa on a 90km round trip as I was too scared to stop or turn around so I ended up going to the end of the Island and back (the only place I knew there was a roundabout)....been drunk too many times to count, beaten 15 Australian blokes at beer bongs and well, had the time of my life! I'll explain more in depth. The windsurfing came about after having sat on the beach for the 8th consecutive day and thinking that I should do something with my life. Off I trotted to the windsurfing centre, parted with 550k (about 55 quid) and signed myself up for four hours of tuition. Dimad, the dodgy tash sporting mahogany block head was my tutor. The only English he spoke was 'watch out for the f** boat/beach/swimmer/pontoon/ferry' etc. Well, I had fun and I managed to grasp the basics and whoop and scream my way around the coast, much to the horror of everyone else in the water...Enough of that. Next, I decided to hire a scooter. I'd just like to mention here that the last time I rode a bike was about 10 years ago and the last time I sat in charge of a motarised vehicle I crashed it. Nuff said. Well, I thought I would give it a go, it couldn't be that difficult, could it? Nothing like going in feet first (like I do with most things in my life). I initially hired the scooter for 3 hours. The lady handed me a helmet and the key and gestured outside at the scooters. I had to lie and say that I hadn't ridden one for a few years and could she show me how to drive one. Thankfully scooty was automatic and therefore was quite easy to ride. That was after I had reversed the thing over her toe, then wobble/crashed into a dustbin when I revved it up a bit too much. I got the hang of it quite quickly, but it was absolutely terrifying. People were overtaking me left right and centre on blind bends. I think this may have been because I was sticking to 30kmph. After 20 minutes I stopped to take in the view. The I couldn't get the bloody thing to start again. I knew I had to press a button and pull a handle etc (and I am in the middle of nowhere at this point). Eventually, I got it going again and off I went. People kept overtaking me and it was starting to rain. I looked like something out of dumb and dumber, so I kept going and going and then I'm at the other end of the Island (45km from home). I turned around at the roundabout then set off back. About 10km out of Korčula I ran out of petrol. Good job the last bit was all downhill so I rolled the whole way. My hands were numb and I was a gibbering wreck. I vowed never to do that again. But of course, I did it again the next day!
Right, beer bongs....A beer bong, to those of you who don't know, is a large plastic funnel attached to a thick piece of hose. You pour in a can of beer, get on your knees with the pipe in your mouth and after a count of three, the funnels are raised to the ceiling and you suck all the beer down. Have got it down to 2.5 seconds. Who's the daddy!
The toe breaking incident, well...I have not worn shoes of any kind for about 4 weeks. This started because I got a piece of broken glass stuck in the top of my foot at the place where my flip flops rubbed so I couldn't wear them, I then never really got round to wearing them again. The broken toe...well, it had been raining and I slipped on the stone pavement and stumped it right royally against another slab that was jutting out. It cracked, I cried. My feet are officially shot. I got stung by a wasp in my arch, broke my toe, stepped on glass and have about 7 other scars on them.
If anyone hasn't already watched it, I suggest you hire out Team America sharpish. It has become the film of the hostel. Oh did I mention I'm a staff member now...pictures to follow.